Alone at the Fair. . .

I went to the Walton Fair today. Alone. It was a peculiar experience filled with a wide range of thoughts and emotions. It's hard to believe this is the third Fair without Bob. It was such an "us" thing that I had to keep reminding myself that today it was just "me." Last year, Cindy, Michael and I went. The year before that, I went with Jenn and the boys. I couldn't have gone there alone then. I think it was a good idea that I went by myself this year. I was able to focus on some deep analysis while busying myself with (what I call) "surface activity." Everywhere I walked at the Fair today, I had a real awareness of how I continually make comparisons between the way things used to be and the way they are now. I don't expect that to change nor do I need it to. There's the realization, for instance, that there will be no one to steer me around the grounds and that I am the one who has to remember where the car is parked. Bob was the one with the keen directional sense. I certainly am not and never had to think about it. We each contributed what came natural for us. That's how we were. We compensated for one another. Since our interests were not at all alike, we were naturally drawn to look at different things. In the early years, it was a bit of a tug of war but later on, we developed genuine respect for each others passions. Today, while I was taking my time looking at the artwork, I smiled because I could just see Bob standing there, waiting patiently. But with his ear turned toward the hit-and-miss motors. I didn't mind. It made his willingness to wait all the sweeter which, in turn, made me want to get to the motors, too. I did not look at the motors today. That would have been just too hard.