Life is like. . .

While driving home from Curves this morning, listening to Mendelssohn on the radio, I drew the conclusion that life is not so much like a box of chocolates (sorry, Forrest Gump) as it is like a concerto.  The introduction peaks your interest and after that, just like life, the pace varies with tempo intervals ranging from adagio to presto.  Sometimes the anticipation can be intense, leaving us anxiously wondering what will happen next.  Here, however, the parallel ends since unlike a recorded concerto that we can replay whenever we want, life is a live performance and cannot be rewound.  For sure, though, what you can always count on with both Mendelssohn and life are those few spectacular measures (moments) of things beautiful beyond description -- like the sunbeams that came bursting through the fog laden leafy trees this morning as I reached the top of the hill.  Radio or not, I still would have heard a symphony!   

She comes sailing on the wind. . .

I am so in love with French Woods community, friends and neighbors! God bless the Boy Scouts and all who gathered for the raising of the flag at the church cemetery yesterday in memory of soldiers no longer with us. There were prayers to open and close, there were readings and meaningful words and there was singing. There were tear-filled eyes and comforting hugs. There were smiles. From my vantage point I noticed that I could see flag bearing graves from several generations and I marveled at the wondrousness that, in death, there are no generational divisions. I thought about another warm day, before we knew Bob was ill, when a young soldier on leave came to see Bob and they talked John Deere tractors. I hugged that young man that day and said, "Thank you"...all of us innocent of what would unfold in just a few short months and how our journeys would intermingle once again. I thought about how meaningful these ceremonies would be to Bob and how, in a way, he is part of them having selected his spot near the flagpole. And...in my human-ness, something else dawned on me. As my eyes happened upon my own name and birth year, I couldn't help but realize, "Oh, my gosh! Now everybody knows how old I am!" With that, I had to smile, giving thanks once again that not only God has a sense of humor but He has graced us with one, also.

It was a hot and humid bright sunny day with the sweet smell of open fields lingering in the soft breeze. Regardless of season or weather, that breeze is always there surrounding this little country church, easing its way through cracks in the walls and whispering echoes of lifetimes through the evergreens in the cemetery outside. I believe there is a powerful dwelling of the Holy Spirit in that place. These song lyrics come to mind: "...after dawn returned in flame of rising sun, the Spirit touched the earth again, again her wings unfurled, bringing life in wind and fire as she flew on. She comes sailing on the wind, her wings flashing in the sun; on a journey just begun, she flies on."

Looking up. . .

Pentecost Sunday...Fire...Wind...Spirit.  The choir will be in red today.

Things are looking up.  Mechanically, electronically and appliance-wise, that is.  A new battery seems to have solved all the problems with the car.  The GPS (independant from the car) seems to have resolved its own problems and is reliably guiding me around once again.  The lawn mower is 'purring like a kitten.'  The furnace factor turned out to be just my own stupidity.  (Please don't ask.)  After my doing some random tapping and shoving, the dehumidifier is again sucking up moisture like nobody's business!  I'm really enjoying the new microwave which is smaller.  A new dryer will be delivered on Wednesday. 

"This, too, shall pass" is really true!  Aren't I glad I didn't have a "poor spell" over all this small stuff?

Until the next batch......  

It's always an adventure. . .

I've just come in from outside where I have been gazing at the last embers of my first bonfire of the season, although I did get a head start one night last week at Dan's. I like to have a fire going while I'm working in the yard so I can sit by it to wind down after the work is finished. The quiet time is restful and pensive.  I am always amazed by the free flowing thoughts that cavort in and out of my mind and how they reflect my journey.  Of course, the memory floodgates are wide open and that is always bittersweet but for the most part, what I feel is gratitude. Time was when I never could have imagined such quiet; our house and yard so still.  How glad I am that 'something' told me to cherish all that long-ago family noise even when it seemed hectic to the point of exhaustion and my patience wore thin.

Tonight, sitting by the fire, I was comparing today with last Saturday and remembering some of the thoughts I was having then. It was a similarly beautiful warm and sunny day and I was pitifully lost in some of North Carolina's rolling, rural country roads...alone, with a malfunctioning GPS and a phone that was about to lose power.  No maps...just the printed directions I kept on my lap while I was driving. I was doing fine until the route numbers merged, then the one I was following divided into two directions, or so it seemed. To make a long story short, let me just say that what was to be a three hour trip took six hours because of all the back tracking I had to do!  I was so exasperated and tired that, after while, I almost lost my composure.  I knew it was time to pull over, take a deep breath and say a prayer.  With that, familiar coping mechanisms began to reveal themselves and I began to focus less on the fact that I had a problem and more on what my options were to find a solution.  The first option, of course, was attitude since that is something I could control immediately.  A positive attitude really does lighten any burden.  I thought about all the beautiful countryside I had seen so far that I might have otherwise missed.  I remembered that God doesn’t make mistakes – that we are always exactly where we are supposed to be even when we don’t think so.  I even smiled as I remembered; too, how one of my kids used to say, “Whenever we go with you, Mom, it’s always an adventure.”  I thought, “Yes, that’s it, I’m having an adventure.”   Aside from the fact that the extra legs of this journey were cutting into time with my family,  why shouldn’t I have an adventure, I wondered?  What difference did it make whether I was here or there?  If I were home, I’d be happily working in the yard but why not have an adventure instead?  I can always do yardwork.  Looking at my predicament in this way helped me relax and even chuckle at myself a little bit. 

Today, I smiled a lot as I worked happily in the yard with visions of last Saturday’s adventure now added to my journey’s memories.         

       

 

When it rains, it pours. . .

Great...
raining + wet laundry = need new dryer
Wish I had known that yesterday when I was in Binghamton.  I guess this is more of the "small stuff" ... like the lawn mower (running again), the microwave (replaced) and the car (still getting repairs). 

All will be well......putting all that aside and heading out to chapel.

God is good.

Later...
Okay, now the furnace isn't working.  I think I'm out of fuel.  =^(
I guess I'll deal with that *after* I take my wet laundry to Cindy's to borrow her dryer, using her car that I'm borrowing because mine won't start.
And...after that, I need to figure out why my dehumidifier won't work.

But...I am still smiling as I repeat, "this is just more small stuff" and "God is good."

NC Thursday May 17th. . .

12:15pm. . .

Ever so slowly I am beginning to be able to navigate around the Hope Mills area without getting lost.  (Thanks to Google Maps, my GPS, Allen's hand drawn diagrams, and my personal guides - Ian and Daniel.)  Fine timing...now that it's just about time to head back to Kannapolis.  That's okay.  I'll consider it a head start for the next time.  When I was in the grocery store earlier, I got so engrossed with the familiar activity of filling my cart with items on my list that I forgot, momentarily, where I was and that I still had to find my way back home...using a different route than the way I got there.  Here I am, however, all tucked back in and overly full of the leftover spaghetti I ate for lunch. 

I enjoy the scenic rural atmosphere of the immediate areas where both Jenn & Allen and Dan & Michelle live.  Except for lack of mountains, it reminds me a lot of home with all the farm equipment and fields.  In the Food Lion parking lot this morning, I even saw an open trailer with two calves in it, munching on their hay.  I'm not sure if I've ever even seen that in Hancock.  Or maybe they use trailers there that are enclosed and I just don't notice what's in them.  Either way, the visual gives me a tendency to avoid veal.   

NC Monday May 14th. . .

7:30am. . .Oh, ye of little sleep -- that's me.  I don't know why.  It's certainly not for lack of being comfortable on the brand new bed.  Nor do I have any of the particular sort of worries that tend to interfere with sleep.  I guess my mind is just working overtime about too many different things, as seems to happen quite often, regardless of where I am. 

The week end was enjoyably memorable with part of it very relaxed and low key and part of it not so much.  There was shopping and Daniel's indoor soccer game on Saturday, and church and Cracker Barrel on Sunday.  Then, perhaps not as enjoyable but no less memorable, there were the various incidences that took place involving lost (and eventually found) items...then, keys and phone getting locked inside a car at a gas station...as well as being locked outside the house -- a very tense situation which required climbing a ladder to a second story window that was (thankfully) unlocked.  I always wonder, when the obstacles are that obvious, what the lesson is and why the answers aren't equally obvious.  Even when I can't figure out the answer, I never doubt but what there is one and I am inspired more than ever to pursue my ongoing conversation with God.  Quite often, when I am further down the road in my journey, the answers are revealed...and I am all the wiser for having encountered the bumps along the way.  Tonight, I look forward to Ian's orchestra concert and I'm pretty sure we will all be double checking the keys in our hands as we leave the house.

NC Friday May 11th. . .

11:30am. . .wondering why I haven't been taking any pictures on this trip. 

Usually, I would be trying to take snapshots of everything and everybody just so I can have each day in pictures to re-live when I get back home.  This time - not so much and, of course, I'm spending way too much time trying to analyze why.  Could the reason be as simple as the fact that I don't need the photos; that my mind's eye is absorbing all that is close to my heart in a way that I will be able to conjure it up on demand later on?  It's possible that I might have regrets later but I don't think so.  I believe these are some of those moments in time when it is enough to be thankful for each day, live it fully and well, and to focus more on the journey ahead than that which has already been traveled.  It's possible, too, that there is an underlying denial on my part that is causing me to resist  the documentation of evidence that the grand-kids are growing up!  There are many reasons I can think of why that might be the case.  One reason would be a very normal reaction to the passage of time, one I think we all have now and then as we get older.  The other reason is more personal and challenges me in various ways on a daily basis.  It is the 'chasm' separating Bob from me that widens with the ticking of the clock. Things change.  A new front sidewalk, the "Hobbit Hole,"  the color of the kitchen, the pear trees, but most importantly (to me) - the grand-kids.  I am not really reluctant to face all these alterations of life (as we knew it) but I will always observe them as measurements of our personal timeline and will continually tend to view the world around me through dual sets of eyes...if that makes sense.  I know what I mean but it's hard to put into words.

Meanwhile, as I struggle with the meaning of life and its depths, I have learned that a flip-flop is not a suitable substitute for a fly swatter!  I have tried out two different styles, thinking the flatter one of the two would work better...but it didn't.  Now, I have a rolled up brochure (couldn't find a newspaper) hidden between my knee and the chair in readiness for the two annoying, fuzzy-legged, winged creatures.  So far, they are avoiding me...probably hatching a new scheme for their plan of attack!

Yes, this must be a vacation.  So far today, besides 'blogging' and swatting flies, I have talked on the phone, gotten dressed and played the piano.  The most pressing activity that is yet on my agenda is to give myself a pedicure.  I doubt it's necessary to document that in pictures, either. 

NC Thursday May 10th. . .

10:00am. . .Outside...sunshine...birds...breeze...lots of sky...watching Jerry, the dog, explore the fenced in perimeter of the backyard.  It feels a little like a typical spring day in upstate NY so there is no sensation of being 'away from home.'  I hear the droning sound of airplanes in the distance and the sound of an occasional vehicle beyond the fence and pecan trees on Roslin Farm Road.  Other than that, the neighborhood is very quiet.  

I can't help but notice how family patterns have changed in the years since our children were young.  (I'm not about to debate the pros and cons of which way is better; my only comment on that topic is to say that nothing stays the same and that the 'old' way is not necessarily the 'best' way.)  Differences, however, are apparent to me.  During week days, particularly, I find myself wondering where all the people are who belong to all these houses?  Late in the afternoon it begins to bustle with the neighborly comraderie of smiles and waves as well as a 'mixed chorus' of  barking dogs and happy children playing.  Well...maybe some not so happy.  =^) 

It was a nice surprise yesterday to have some close family from 'up home' drop by as they were passing through.  I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought them to NC but it was oh, so good to see them.  Later, there was the Wednesday night dinner at church which happened to be lasagna night -- one of my favorites!  Afterward, some time to relax and visit before turning in for the night.  I slept really well, so soundly that when I woke up this morning, it took me a few minutes to get oriented and unlike the night before when a series of quite disturbing dreams (nightmares?) kept waking me up.  I don't like it when my dreams are so vivid that I remember them because I spend way too much time trying to analyze them. 

Let's see...it has been over a week now since I left French Woods behind me, temporarily, and I'm settled in for the time being.  I wouldn't really call this a 'vacation,'  though, since there is nothing back home that I feel the need to get away from.  What would I call it?  That's a good question.  I guess I could call it a 'temporary relocation' to be 'home' with the rest of my family.  

NC Tuesday May 8th. . .

9:30am...alone...quiet...coffee...bagel with cream cheese...the rhythm of life keeping time all around me -- at least I assume so; I can't see or hear much of it from here.

Today, I woke up feeling twinges of compassion that branch out in many directions.  If I were to try to illustrate them, my drawing would resemble a road map.  There would be 'Interstates' of prayer in the direction of those who are fearfully facing a life-threatening time to their physical bodies.  There would be soft  wooded paths with shimmering sunlight to lovingly guide precious ones who have encountered the darkness of depression that only those who have 'been there' can fully understand.  There would be highways to healing,  trails toward peace of mind, and bridges to symbolize the crossing from one to the other.  My road map would be unique in that all the crooked journey lines would share a common destination -- love of God and submission that makes room for thankfulness, always, and when we think we've been given more than we can handle, faith in God's promise to help us handle what we are given.  

NC Monday May 7th. . .

7:00am Monday, May 7th. . .

All packed......having coffee......house is still quiet but not for long, I suspect.  I'm not sure exactly what time I will head out this morning.  Hopefully, after I do, I will end up in Hope Mills.  'Garmin' is all programmed to guide me there -- on MY terms rather than its own.  That took some doing but thanks to Dan's help, it has been accomplished.  As a back-up, I also have a printed copy of the same directions.  Boy, do I love modern technology!  I am so 'converted' that it would be hard for me to function without it.  I think I've mentioned before that I am not adventurous so I'm having some anxiety about today.  I'm not sure why; probably just because, given certain sets of circumstances, I am conditioned to feel a certain way.  Over the years, I've learned to deal with that on most levels and to accept the part that simply is not going to change.  Nor would I want it to since I believe it would change who God intended for me to be and, therefore, any gifts He has provided for me to offer. 

So......this morning I am giving thanks for anxiety!  How crazy is that?! 

9:45pm. . .

Well, 'Garmin' didn't let me down.  What a beautiful drive it was from Kannapolis to Hope Mills.  I'm all settled in and have made myself at home here at Jenn's and Allen's for the next week or so. 

NC Sunday May 6th. . .

Going on 10:00am. . .looking a little cloudy this morning.

What I'm thinking right now is that I applaud parents of babies and toddlers who, despite a hectic work week, find value in all the effort it takes to get a family ready and out the door to worship on a Sunday morning.  It would be so convenient to say things like "...the only day to get things done at home,"  "...the only day to sleep in" or "...when the kids are older," etc., when the truth is that all of the choices we make are based on priorities we make for ourselves and how we are willing to budget our time. 

May God bless young parents everywhere and speak to their hearts today! 

NC May 5th 2012. . .

Saturday, May 5th. . .

Early morning...patio...coffee...birds...never-ending traffic.  The house is quiet.  Dan has gone to work and no one else is up yet.  The only obstacle to this otherwise peaceful moment is the fact that I am having a 'doozey' of an allergy attack that is not only leaving my nose raw but is sending piercing jolts of pain behind my left eye and throughout my sinuses.  My traveling in spring and fall, as a rule, means that I get to experience these symptoms four times a year instead of just two.  So be it...minor inconvenience...small stuff...all that.

I'm watching a female cardinal flitting between the Rose of Sharon bush and the roof top, and I'm wondering if there is a nest nearby.  Now and then, she flies down into the woods.  I wonder where she goes in there and if she is on a mission or if it is her safety zone that she retreats to while she plans her next move.  Aha!  I do see a nest in the Rose of Sharon bush.  It's pretty well hidden.  So well, in fact, that if I didn't happen to see the bird, I never would have noticed the nest.  Maybe it's not even hers.  I'm not as familiar with the nesting habits of cardinals as I am with the robins and little house wrens back home.  Cardinals are not quite as common there.  Occasionally they come to my feeder but they seem to appear mysteriously from the woods.  The house wrens, on the other hand, are very brazen about setting up housekeeping right under my nose...and sometimes in the oddest places.  The robins are very predictable, returning to the same nests year after year.  I've always envied their long distance directional sense since (as Bob often took delight in saying) if 'they' put me in a room, turned me around three times, I wouldn't be able to find my way out.  (It's true...I have said good-bye, then walked into many a closet when leaving someone's home I wasn't familiar with.)  The GPS for my car has become one of my best friends.  How nice for birds, that they have all that built in.

On Monday, I'll be leaving here and driving to Jenn and Allen's which is a three-hour drive that includes a series of many different routes and turn-offs.  It will be interesting to see how that goes.  It will be an adventure, that's for sure.  My kids used to say, "wherever we go with you, Mom, it's always an adventure" and I would say, "just think, if I had gone the right way, we never would have gotten to see this!"  When in doubt, my instinct is always to turn right...so I suppose I could end up driving in a big circle.

Such is life -- a big circle.  Sooner or later, all things overlap and come together in a most adventurous way.  How we are affected by the adventures; the circles, in our journey all has to do with our own perspective.  Life is what happens; not what happens 'to' us.

 

The sun is peeking through the Rose of Sharon bush now, proof that the earth has made another of its own circles.  (How many is that now?)  Mrs. Cardinal has circled around again, swooping over the bush with the nest. 

I'm thinking of a song......"Round and round goes the circle of life; jump right in to the circle of life......" 

NC May 4th 2012. . .

Friday, May 4th. . .

Let's see, I think this is Friday.   It's a little past 6:30am and I'm sitting out on the screened in patio, listening to the early morning birds.  Judging by the sounds, I'd say the dense wooded area at the foot of the back yard must be full of them.  If it weren't for the competitive drone of the traffic on nearby Tukaseegee Road, I might think I was back home in French Woods.  If I lived here, I suppose I would get used to it afterwhile but I have a tendancy to "look up" when I hear a car, wondering "who's coming?"

Once again, I spent yesterday in the world of Kaitlyn and Matthew and will do so again today.  Since we live so far apart, how I cherish these special days of bonding even though by this point in my "life's journey,"  my stamina for keeping pace with a three year old and an almost one year old is not quite what it used to be.  I'm so used to such a different kind of busyness that at the end of the day, I feel (in a way) as though I've "done nothing" and wonder why I am exhausted.  It reminds me of when Bob and I would travel all day in the car and kid one another about being so tired out when all we did was "sit all day."

Later......

Among other things, I have managed to get dressed and even comb my hair.  We have had a pretend picnic on a hooded bath towel in the middle of the living room floor, with one plastic spoon and one plastic cup packed in a trick-or-treat bucket "picnic basket."  The picnic ended abruptly when Kaitlyn decided the bucket bore a better likeness to a helmet and she went bouncing away on her Moon Bounce ball with the Halloween bucket on her head. 

I miss Bob so much when I am with these children that he never knew and my heart melts a little every time I see little glimpses of him in them.  He would have enjoyed them so.     

NC May 2nd 2012. . .

Wednesday, May 2nd...

Well...I made it!  Here I am, settling into Day One in NC at Dan and Michelle's.  As reluctant as I am to leave the hills of French Woods, I do look forward to being "home" with the rest of my family in this "neck of the woods."  How heartwarming it is to hear "Gramma!  Gramma!  Gramma!" before my feet are even out of the car and to be greeted by little outstretched arms and bright, smiling eyes.  To me, this is what "it" is all about.

Getting here had its ups and downs...literally, since I flew.  The flight was delayed to the extent that my departure time from Scranton was nearly what my scheduled arrival time in Charlotte had been.  Since I didn't need to make a connecting flight, that was of little concern, though.  I just pulled a crochet project out of my bag and worked on that while I waited.  The flight itself had a magnificent view and was smooth and relaxing...to begin with.  Just as I closed my eyes to settle in for a little cat nap, the turbulance started and when I opened my eyes, the view had dissolved into gray cloud cover.  I was relieved when the flight attendant announced that the captain had said it would only be bumpy like that for about ten minutes.  That is, until she added, "and then it will get worse."  That it did, but the important thing is that we landed safely, I collected my baggage without mishap, was met by Dan and we proceeded to inch along through the bumper to bumper commuter traffic toward Kannapolis.

Today, I'm reconnecting with parenting skills as I spend the day with Kaitlyn and Matthew.  The pure pleasure Matthew takes in tipping his head back and viewing the world upside down reminds me that it is a good thing to pause now and then and take time to see through the eyes of a child.