NC Monday May 14th. . .

7:30am. . .Oh, ye of little sleep -- that's me.  I don't know why.  It's certainly not for lack of being comfortable on the brand new bed.  Nor do I have any of the particular sort of worries that tend to interfere with sleep.  I guess my mind is just working overtime about too many different things, as seems to happen quite often, regardless of where I am. 

The week end was enjoyably memorable with part of it very relaxed and low key and part of it not so much.  There was shopping and Daniel's indoor soccer game on Saturday, and church and Cracker Barrel on Sunday.  Then, perhaps not as enjoyable but no less memorable, there were the various incidences that took place involving lost (and eventually found) items...then, keys and phone getting locked inside a car at a gas station...as well as being locked outside the house -- a very tense situation which required climbing a ladder to a second story window that was (thankfully) unlocked.  I always wonder, when the obstacles are that obvious, what the lesson is and why the answers aren't equally obvious.  Even when I can't figure out the answer, I never doubt but what there is one and I am inspired more than ever to pursue my ongoing conversation with God.  Quite often, when I am further down the road in my journey, the answers are revealed...and I am all the wiser for having encountered the bumps along the way.  Tonight, I look forward to Ian's orchestra concert and I'm pretty sure we will all be double checking the keys in our hands as we leave the house.

NC Friday May 11th. . .

11:30am. . .wondering why I haven't been taking any pictures on this trip. 

Usually, I would be trying to take snapshots of everything and everybody just so I can have each day in pictures to re-live when I get back home.  This time - not so much and, of course, I'm spending way too much time trying to analyze why.  Could the reason be as simple as the fact that I don't need the photos; that my mind's eye is absorbing all that is close to my heart in a way that I will be able to conjure it up on demand later on?  It's possible that I might have regrets later but I don't think so.  I believe these are some of those moments in time when it is enough to be thankful for each day, live it fully and well, and to focus more on the journey ahead than that which has already been traveled.  It's possible, too, that there is an underlying denial on my part that is causing me to resist  the documentation of evidence that the grand-kids are growing up!  There are many reasons I can think of why that might be the case.  One reason would be a very normal reaction to the passage of time, one I think we all have now and then as we get older.  The other reason is more personal and challenges me in various ways on a daily basis.  It is the 'chasm' separating Bob from me that widens with the ticking of the clock. Things change.  A new front sidewalk, the "Hobbit Hole,"  the color of the kitchen, the pear trees, but most importantly (to me) - the grand-kids.  I am not really reluctant to face all these alterations of life (as we knew it) but I will always observe them as measurements of our personal timeline and will continually tend to view the world around me through dual sets of eyes...if that makes sense.  I know what I mean but it's hard to put into words.

Meanwhile, as I struggle with the meaning of life and its depths, I have learned that a flip-flop is not a suitable substitute for a fly swatter!  I have tried out two different styles, thinking the flatter one of the two would work better...but it didn't.  Now, I have a rolled up brochure (couldn't find a newspaper) hidden between my knee and the chair in readiness for the two annoying, fuzzy-legged, winged creatures.  So far, they are avoiding me...probably hatching a new scheme for their plan of attack!

Yes, this must be a vacation.  So far today, besides 'blogging' and swatting flies, I have talked on the phone, gotten dressed and played the piano.  The most pressing activity that is yet on my agenda is to give myself a pedicure.  I doubt it's necessary to document that in pictures, either. 

NC Thursday May 10th. . .

10:00am. . .Outside...sunshine...birds...breeze...lots of sky...watching Jerry, the dog, explore the fenced in perimeter of the backyard.  It feels a little like a typical spring day in upstate NY so there is no sensation of being 'away from home.'  I hear the droning sound of airplanes in the distance and the sound of an occasional vehicle beyond the fence and pecan trees on Roslin Farm Road.  Other than that, the neighborhood is very quiet.  

I can't help but notice how family patterns have changed in the years since our children were young.  (I'm not about to debate the pros and cons of which way is better; my only comment on that topic is to say that nothing stays the same and that the 'old' way is not necessarily the 'best' way.)  Differences, however, are apparent to me.  During week days, particularly, I find myself wondering where all the people are who belong to all these houses?  Late in the afternoon it begins to bustle with the neighborly comraderie of smiles and waves as well as a 'mixed chorus' of  barking dogs and happy children playing.  Well...maybe some not so happy.  =^) 

It was a nice surprise yesterday to have some close family from 'up home' drop by as they were passing through.  I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought them to NC but it was oh, so good to see them.  Later, there was the Wednesday night dinner at church which happened to be lasagna night -- one of my favorites!  Afterward, some time to relax and visit before turning in for the night.  I slept really well, so soundly that when I woke up this morning, it took me a few minutes to get oriented and unlike the night before when a series of quite disturbing dreams (nightmares?) kept waking me up.  I don't like it when my dreams are so vivid that I remember them because I spend way too much time trying to analyze them. 

Let's see...it has been over a week now since I left French Woods behind me, temporarily, and I'm settled in for the time being.  I wouldn't really call this a 'vacation,'  though, since there is nothing back home that I feel the need to get away from.  What would I call it?  That's a good question.  I guess I could call it a 'temporary relocation' to be 'home' with the rest of my family.  

NC Tuesday May 8th. . .

9:30am...alone...quiet...coffee...bagel with cream cheese...the rhythm of life keeping time all around me -- at least I assume so; I can't see or hear much of it from here.

Today, I woke up feeling twinges of compassion that branch out in many directions.  If I were to try to illustrate them, my drawing would resemble a road map.  There would be 'Interstates' of prayer in the direction of those who are fearfully facing a life-threatening time to their physical bodies.  There would be soft  wooded paths with shimmering sunlight to lovingly guide precious ones who have encountered the darkness of depression that only those who have 'been there' can fully understand.  There would be highways to healing,  trails toward peace of mind, and bridges to symbolize the crossing from one to the other.  My road map would be unique in that all the crooked journey lines would share a common destination -- love of God and submission that makes room for thankfulness, always, and when we think we've been given more than we can handle, faith in God's promise to help us handle what we are given.  

NC Monday May 7th. . .

7:00am Monday, May 7th. . .

All packed......having coffee......house is still quiet but not for long, I suspect.  I'm not sure exactly what time I will head out this morning.  Hopefully, after I do, I will end up in Hope Mills.  'Garmin' is all programmed to guide me there -- on MY terms rather than its own.  That took some doing but thanks to Dan's help, it has been accomplished.  As a back-up, I also have a printed copy of the same directions.  Boy, do I love modern technology!  I am so 'converted' that it would be hard for me to function without it.  I think I've mentioned before that I am not adventurous so I'm having some anxiety about today.  I'm not sure why; probably just because, given certain sets of circumstances, I am conditioned to feel a certain way.  Over the years, I've learned to deal with that on most levels and to accept the part that simply is not going to change.  Nor would I want it to since I believe it would change who God intended for me to be and, therefore, any gifts He has provided for me to offer. 

So......this morning I am giving thanks for anxiety!  How crazy is that?! 

9:45pm. . .

Well, 'Garmin' didn't let me down.  What a beautiful drive it was from Kannapolis to Hope Mills.  I'm all settled in and have made myself at home here at Jenn's and Allen's for the next week or so. 

NC Sunday May 6th. . .

Going on 10:00am. . .looking a little cloudy this morning.

What I'm thinking right now is that I applaud parents of babies and toddlers who, despite a hectic work week, find value in all the effort it takes to get a family ready and out the door to worship on a Sunday morning.  It would be so convenient to say things like "...the only day to get things done at home,"  "...the only day to sleep in" or "...when the kids are older," etc., when the truth is that all of the choices we make are based on priorities we make for ourselves and how we are willing to budget our time. 

May God bless young parents everywhere and speak to their hearts today! 

NC May 5th 2012. . .

Saturday, May 5th. . .

Early morning...patio...coffee...birds...never-ending traffic.  The house is quiet.  Dan has gone to work and no one else is up yet.  The only obstacle to this otherwise peaceful moment is the fact that I am having a 'doozey' of an allergy attack that is not only leaving my nose raw but is sending piercing jolts of pain behind my left eye and throughout my sinuses.  My traveling in spring and fall, as a rule, means that I get to experience these symptoms four times a year instead of just two.  So be it...minor inconvenience...small stuff...all that.

I'm watching a female cardinal flitting between the Rose of Sharon bush and the roof top, and I'm wondering if there is a nest nearby.  Now and then, she flies down into the woods.  I wonder where she goes in there and if she is on a mission or if it is her safety zone that she retreats to while she plans her next move.  Aha!  I do see a nest in the Rose of Sharon bush.  It's pretty well hidden.  So well, in fact, that if I didn't happen to see the bird, I never would have noticed the nest.  Maybe it's not even hers.  I'm not as familiar with the nesting habits of cardinals as I am with the robins and little house wrens back home.  Cardinals are not quite as common there.  Occasionally they come to my feeder but they seem to appear mysteriously from the woods.  The house wrens, on the other hand, are very brazen about setting up housekeeping right under my nose...and sometimes in the oddest places.  The robins are very predictable, returning to the same nests year after year.  I've always envied their long distance directional sense since (as Bob often took delight in saying) if 'they' put me in a room, turned me around three times, I wouldn't be able to find my way out.  (It's true...I have said good-bye, then walked into many a closet when leaving someone's home I wasn't familiar with.)  The GPS for my car has become one of my best friends.  How nice for birds, that they have all that built in.

On Monday, I'll be leaving here and driving to Jenn and Allen's which is a three-hour drive that includes a series of many different routes and turn-offs.  It will be interesting to see how that goes.  It will be an adventure, that's for sure.  My kids used to say, "wherever we go with you, Mom, it's always an adventure" and I would say, "just think, if I had gone the right way, we never would have gotten to see this!"  When in doubt, my instinct is always to turn right...so I suppose I could end up driving in a big circle.

Such is life -- a big circle.  Sooner or later, all things overlap and come together in a most adventurous way.  How we are affected by the adventures; the circles, in our journey all has to do with our own perspective.  Life is what happens; not what happens 'to' us.

 

The sun is peeking through the Rose of Sharon bush now, proof that the earth has made another of its own circles.  (How many is that now?)  Mrs. Cardinal has circled around again, swooping over the bush with the nest. 

I'm thinking of a song......"Round and round goes the circle of life; jump right in to the circle of life......"