Keep moving; don't stop. . .

Today I have been on a cleaning frenzy and have finally, around 8 PM, called it quits.  When I finished the upstairs and started having thoughts of tackling the basement, I knew it was time to execute some will power.  It's times like this when I can hear Bob saying, "Hon, don't you ever know when it's time to quit?!"  I guess I don't but I believe I'm learning.  It's not that I'm overly ambitious - it's more that I seem to need to keep moving, always keeping my eye on the "next thing."  My theory about this behavior is that it is an avoidance method.  What am I avoiding?  Now, that's a good question.  I suppose if I ever stopped long enough, I would find out, wouldn't I?  The fact is, I already know so that's why it doesn't concern me very much and, in fact, I'm quite content with filling my days with the kind of busyness that exhausts me physically, yet allows for long periods of clear thinking, prayer and meditation, and lots of "listening."  It's my way of being still...if that makes sense.  I do understand that for me, psychologically, it's a way to connect one moment to the next, one day to the next, and so on, so that they all blend into one.  It is a deeply ingrained habit that evolved farther back than I can remember, out of childhood fears - an attempt to make time stand still, so to speak.  In other words, if "now" is safe, and if it is always "now" (if you keep moving, don't stop, don't sleep...) then nothing fearsome can squeeze in.  That was my childhood theory, anyway.  Of course, now I am intellectually aware of the fallacy of that theory and I also understand more clearly from a spiritual perspective.  However, some of the "mechanics" - the habits, remain.  I'm okay with that.  It's who I am. 

And it gives me something to ponder while I'm doing other things.  They say, "Life is what's happening while you're busy doing other things."  I thank God over and over that I can say, "Other things have been happening while I've been busy with life."   I haven't "missed the dance."  How awesome is that?!

So, tomorrow, maybe I'll clean the basement......