. . .always an adventure - opening a month's worth of mail. In this case, some things are dated as far back as July. It's such an afterthought these days now that all the important things are being handled online. I have my own routine for processing the paper mail I receive. First, I only remove it from my mailbox every few days or whenever I think my mail carrier can't possibly cram anymore in, so when I do, it's an armload. Then I bring it inside where nine tenths of it is thrown away immediately. I look at how it almost fills an empty kitchen trash bag and I visualize myself bundling up those bags every week and lugging them out to the trash can. "There's something wrong with this picture," I'll say to myself as I realize how much of the trash I set out each week is mail that I neither wanted nor asked for and, quite frankly, I resent being forced to dispense with it. Once the stack has been narrowed down to a "keep" pile, I glance through the rest of the unopened mail and stuff it out of the way into a tri-sectioned holder on the wall. The fact that it has three sections allows me a false sense of satisfaction that I am organized while the truth is that it gets so full that I end up having to improvise by arranging the envelopes according to their size and flexibility instead of by priority. Several weeks later, the envelopes make their way to my desk where they are opened and I take care of a few that are time sensitive. The rest are sorted into red, blue and yellow folders --priorities 1, 2 and 3 -- where they are handy to work with whenever I feel like taking the time -- which is hardly ever. Especially if it involves filling out forms. I hate forms. They never make sense to me and I always have the feeling they are full of trick questions. And. . .are you supposed to print between the lines? Or on the lines? Why do the shortest spaces require the longest words? This morning, as per instructions in a letter dated July 22nd, I called a phone number for a stock transfer agent and listened to some automated options that presumably would instruct me on how to become "reunited with some of my assets." They would send me forms in the mail, however, I perked up at the option that directed me to a website where I could print my own form, fill it out and mail it. Share transfer made easy, it said. "This is more like it," I thought; especially the "easy" part. Well......at first I thought I must have failed to check a box requesting "English" and that I had gotten the form in a foreign language. With a little more scrutiny, I not only realized it is written in "legal-ese" and acronyms that have no key code but that it requires notarization, besides. Feeling frustration setting in, I made the best decision under the circumstances -- I decided to print an accompanying envelope, tuck the whole business under the flap and file it all away in the temporary, red, priority 1 folder and deal with it later. Maybe next month. Besides, I'm not sure but I think the assets they are talking about are $69. Is it really worth an hour and a half of aggravation and a 44 cent stamp?
And that was only one item in the stack! Have I mentioned what an adventure it is just opening the mail?
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