Crossing a threshold. . .

 That feeling I get when something inside of me ‘breaks’… I can’t explain. I just know.

 I heard my daughter’s pastor say, once that there are times when you just “know what you know what you know.” I carry this with me, being careful not to apply it frivolously. As a result, much of my frustration with trying to explain the unexplainable has been alleviated. Along the same line, Bob once added “You’ve crossed a threshold and you can’t go back” and I have gleaned many moments of clarity from his words.

Lately it seems I have crossed one of those thresholds finding myself in one of those new places where I struggle to find my way. I look out at the world around me and I am conflicted between trusting that people are inherently good or I am wavering toward fear that the evildoers are winning. There is some consolation in knowing there are many who share this ‘shuffled’ place with me. We ask ourselves what our role is. I’m not sure. What I do know is that it must include love. Hate is for *acts* of evil, not the *body* committing it. 

In the upcoming days, as I try to find what “broke” I will be evaluating my journey thus far, my present purpose, and commitments for future…all with a focus on love!❤️ When the next threshold appears, I’ll be ready!

Maybe the Hippies were right……🌸🌼🌺

NC trip 2021

 Wednesday, November 24th

Still in Raleigh.

Slept soundly and comfortably. Had a leisurely morning including a hot breakfast, home cooked by Chris. We looked at driving options to Jenn’s that would avoid the congestion of I-95, which made for an enjoyably relaxing drive. That is until I decided to get on the interstate for the last 20 miles where traffic was bumper to bumper at two speeds: SLOW and STANDSTILL. Once I arrived, though, all of that seemed irrelevant when familiarity made me feel as though I had been there just the other day...not two years ago. I love that!

Soon, each of the grandsons arrived. Then, of course, came the fun and laughter. We are a family of clowns. What else can I say?

NC trip 2021

 Tuesday, November 23rd

With coffee in hand, Mike and I headed out at 7am, as planned. A dusting of snow was there to bless our journey. I say that in all sincerity. I love snowy mornings. I’m not one of the ‘snowbirds’ who wants to avoid winter; I travel to be with family. Or...as I call it “mooching off the kids.”

The pleasantries of the trip outweighed the tediousness. However, mile after mile on I-95 at a snail’s pace gets old really fast...and there was a lot of that.

It was a relief later in the day to hear J.D. tell me I had left my keys in the front door. I thought they might have fallen out of my pocket during our breakfast stop. I even called Panera Bread to check. By the way, their breakfast sandwiches are the best ever! 

Arriving in Raleigh at 7pm, we were enthusiastically greeted by two bouncing little girls and a happy baby brother. Oh, and their parents, too! Lily (6) played the piano for us, read to me from her Curious George book, and (to my heart’s delight) asked me to braid her hair. Cecilia (4) introduced some of her dolls to me, showing much partiality to Ana and Elsa, and seemed proud to announce that she is the “middle child.”

Later on, their cozy guest room was a welcome nest to rest my stiff and weary bones!

NC trip Day 3 10-20-2018

Saturday

Enjoyed early morning coffee on the back patio. The birdsongs are noticeably different than up home.
Jenn and Daniel had Band obligations in the afternoon so I spent it relaxing and nursing the mystery pain in my foot. The cats and dog like having me here while their humans are away.

NC visit Day 5 10-22-2018

Monday

Work and school week begins for Jenn and Daniel. Rachael is in and out juggling classes and work. She’s a busy girl! Lazy day for me. My painful heel is improving and I don’t want to jinx it. Rotating and stretching it while sitting seems to help. My only project for today was to sort and organize my “stuff” that I have stashed here. Several types of shoes are handy since they use precious packing space when flying. Toiletries, too, so I don’t have to bother with the liquid “thing.”

This evening was Daniel’s choral concert. Oh, my gosh! Jenn and I cannot be trusted to go anywhere together! I will explain: Daniel has decided to shave his head. When their director cautioned the chorus about avoiding any distracting accessories, the comments among Daniel’s peers about his bald head centered around its shine. The joking followed him home after school where various remarks continued, including Jenn and myself. Well......when the choir filed onstage in the darkened auditorium wearing all black clothing......there stood Daniel, perfectly aligned under an overhead light. It was a distraction alright. His pasty head (from wearing hats in the sun) seemed to double in circumference by a broad glow forming a perfect circle around his head! (You know...like the pictures of the Holy Family on Christmas cards.) Needless to say, I lost it! I had to try so hard to keep from exploding in laughter that it was painful. Same for Jenn. We could not make eye contact. Nor could I look at Daniel during the entire first number. Just as we were almost under control, we heard the girl (part of the in-school discussion) behind us whisper, “Oh. My. God. Daniel’s head.” It was a memorable evening.

Oh...and the performance was superb!

NC visit Day 4 10-21-2018

Sunday

Beautiful day all around. So nice to feel the love from folks at Hope Mills UMC, some of whom I have known since the 90’s. Jenn has music obligations at both services so I was chauffeured to the later one by Daniel...in the silver Mustang. Coffee, snacks and fellowship after. Then food shopping and home to Jenn’s good cooking. She is a die hard football fan. Me...not so much...so I did my own “thing” for the afternoon.

I am beginning to regret packing so light, Wishing I could reach for items still at home in NY. I guess I wouldn’t be a very good minimalist, would I?

NC Visit Day 2 10-19-2018

Friday

Random thoughts:

1. The pain in my heel is really slowing me down!

2. It is a joy to watch Daniel play his trumpet and see how passionately he connects with it!

3. Homecoming at Grays Creek Highschool. The night air. The sights and sounds. An atmosphere once common but now rare. I enjoy sitting quietly and observing. A lot of insight can be gained that way...about yourself and about people in general through the expression in their eyes and their body language. The more we try to understand, the more we are able to love one another as we should.